Babysitting
by Stefan-sama
Summary: Joshua is left to babysit his godson, Neku and Shiki's child, but due to certain... Circumstances, is forced to give him "The Talk."


**Boy, I'm depraved. You gotta be on crack to bang out stuff like this. (Un)fortunately, I am not, yet somehow I still managed to write this. Fancy that. On to the actual piece. I had a couple of laughs writing this. Most were juvenile giggles due to the nature of the subject. They were at Joshua's expense, at the least. Speaking of, I do like the way I wrote his character. It seems to fit him- still similar, but slightly matured. I think. That's for you to decide. On the other hand, the kid is kinda cut-and-paste. No real personality, and no name because I couldn't think of one that didn't scream "GARY STU" to all in a thousand-mile radius. It's kind of awkward, having to call the kid "him" even when I just finished talking about Joshua. Sigh... Ah, well. Couldn't write the ending either... Meh. It's a tad short, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. For both our sakes.**

**"Babysitting"**

_Reach the Living Room in ten seconds. Fail, and face erasure._

_-The Reaper_

Panting his hardest, he scrambled down the hall as he closed his cell phone, tearing apart the carpet underfoot. A vase broke as he tripped over a book on the floor and careened into a drawer. "Nooo...!" he yelled, fear dripping from his screams. Finally, he burst into his living room, and tumbled onto the couch, straight into the open arms of a grinning Yoshiya Kiryu.

The silver-haired man's upside-down face laughed at him. Or, rather, Joshua's face was right-side up, for the man was holding him at the stomach, causing his shirt to fall over his face and obscure his vision. "Twelve seconds, you're late. I think someone deserves a tickle attack."

He giggled in uncontrollable fits as Joshua's hands worked their way up and down to his armpits, front stomach, thighs, and neck. "Nooo~!" he laughed, trying his best to ward off his 'attacker.' "Uncle Joshua, stop it, that tickles! Uncle Joshua! Please, stop!" he managed to wheeze out between desperate gasps for air.

"Fair enough, kiddo," Joshua smirked, finally setting his charge down at his side. "Anyway, I'm supposed to look after you for a while since your parents are busy. Want to get something to eat? Your mother tells me you love Shadow Ramen."

He glanced down the hall at his parents' bedroom, then back up to his godfather. "Yeah, I do, but..." Again, he looked back to the end of the hallway, this time for a bit longer. "What are Mom and Dad doing? Dad usually hates spending money."

Joshua stroked his goatee in contemplation. "Hunh. I was going to pay, but you bring up a great possibility..." He noticed a brown parcel through an open doorway. "Is that your father's wallet sitting on the table there?"

"I think so."

"Say no further. Let's go."

He tugged on his godfather's sleeve and pulled him back down. "Wait, you didn't answer my question. What's so important that Mom and Dad won't let me into their bedroom?" He stared up intently, waiting for an answer with unblinking eyes.

Trying to avoid eye contact, Joshua scratched his neck nervously. "Uh... How old are you? Shouldn't Neku have talked about this you already?"

He cocked his head at this, confused, and crossed his arms. "I'm nine. Talked about what?"

"What about your school, then?"

"About _what_?"

Again, Joshua scratched the back of his neck and tried to pull away again, now visibly agitated, and let out a sort of nervous laugh/cough combination. "Uh... Well, what about the, uh, birds and the bees? That term ring any... Bells?"

"Nope. Nothing of the sort."

Sighing in resignation, Joshua sat down on the couch again, running his fingers through his hair and put his hand on his godson's shoulder, pulling him closer to a whisper. "Look, you're old enough to know this stuff, but I don't think your dad will be too happy with me, so let's keep this our little secret."

Both looked over at the hallway for a third time. Uncle Joshua seemed to gulp. He non-verbally wondered what the creaks that were slowly escalating in volume were coming from. "Okay. Secret. Gotcha."

Another gulp from his godfather. "Okay. How do I start..." he muttered. "Well, kiddo, when a man and woman, in this case being your Mom and Dad, love each other, er, very much..."

Momentary silence. "Yes?"

"Don't ask me. I just learned that opening from watching television."

"Oh."

Joshua coughed. "Okay, we've established that you need to love each other a lot. Like, a lot. Unless there's alcohol or drugs or Sanae's _bouillabaisse_ or something of the sort involved, but let's not get into that for now. Then, they gotta, um, consummate it. Meaning, uh… Well, you know your… Um… For lack of a better word, pee-pee…?"

He raised a confused eyebrow at his godfather's vocabulary choice. "Uh… I guess."

"Good. Well, during said consummation, yours makes… Contact with hers."

More confusion. "What's the point of it?"

"Well, for one, that's how you were made." Joshua grinned, leaning back and resting his head in the crook of his folded arms. "And, frankly, Shiki- er, your mother is pretty hot, and your father has some damn nice abs."

Bored, he groaned and flopped back onto the couch with splayed limbs. "I don't get it, and I don't want to. Your explanations aren't too thorough." He reached for his hand-me-down headphones and switched on some music. "Are we going to eat?"

"Not just yet, kiddo. You have a flat-screen television here, and it's just about six o'clock right now-"

Some shuffling from the end of the hallway. A female voice, presumably Shiki's, moaned, in a sort of pleasurable way, which gradually escalated in volume and intensity.

Joshua took one quick glance backwards and nearly hoisted his godson out the door.


End file.
